Thursday, May 10, 2007

More Fights to the Death

Today's Daily News Headline: Rudy vs. The Pope.

This has my mind reeling. Nevermind which Fictional Superhero could kick whose butt, I want to know whether it will be Rudy or Joey Ratz standing when the buzzer rings. . .

The Pope is quite a bit older than Rudy, and in all likelihood less strong, but he has the direct contact with The Big Man. Heck! He could just invoke papal infallability and declare himself the winner. And Rudy would be SOL.

However, it is important to consider whether Rudy is still Catholic.* If he isn't, then The Pope can declare himself whatever he wants and it wouldn't mean anything. Rudy could use his U.S. Attorney death grip to declare The Church in violation of RICO and throw Benedict out of The Vatican in favor of nice church leaders who aren't beholden to Rome, and who can run things less smoothly and at a greater cost.

Of course, if Rudy IS still Catholic, Benedict can excommunicate him and invoke the old rule of interdiction, under which any practicing Catholic is under a duty to kill the infidel.
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* Rudy's first marriage may have been annulled, but I do not believe his marriage to Donna Hanover was. In any event, his current marriage was a civil ceremony, making him a fornicator who is not permitted to receive the Eucharist. Perhaps Rudy has or will pull a McGreevey.

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Monday, May 07, 2007

Make the Catch-22 Work for YOU!

I've just come up a plan that would make Milo Minderbinder proud. I'm going to syndicate my work.

You see, I've got supreme delegation power. Over and over, my boss tells me that when he assigns me to a task or a case, that he is assigning me to manage the task or case as I see fit. Either I do it, or delegate it to a junior person.

Today, my boss has called me into his office about 80 times to give me more tasks and cases, most of which involved "review so-and-so's work on X, before it comes to me." I'm thinking, SURE! I can't get my work done now -- give me MORE!

So here's my plan -- I'm going to delegate all of my work. Even the senior associate executive review work. When Junior Associate A gives me a memo, I'm calling Junior Associate B to read it and correct it. When Junior Associate B gives me a revised memo, it's going to Junior Associate C, in the New York office. By the time it comes back, Junior Associate A won't recognize it, so I'll give it back to her. And around she goes.

If all goes well, nothing will ever be accomplished and the work will achieve a consistent level of mediocrity. . .

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Batman, Spiderman, Superman or Yoda . . .

Who would win in a fight?

Please weigh in. This is an issue over which there is, well, not enough debate in my family because I stand alone in thinking a wily human could kick the butt of a certain frog-like Dagobadan, who needed Wookies to save his butt. But what do I know?

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Sunday, May 06, 2007

Reunions and Resolutions

I attended my 5 year law school reunion last night and it was, uh, not quite what I expected. I went because I thought it would be fun to catch up with my classmates on their lives and careers, but by the time Hubbins and I got into The City, parked our car and started walking over to TheWaldorf-Astoria, where the shindig was held, I kinda wanted to just go to a quiet restaurant and enjoy My Man's company.


But we'd already paid a buck-and-a-half to eat with the lawyers, so that idea went nowhere. However, law school being not unlike high school, Hubbins and I ended up sitting alone because I made no effort to reconnect with people beforehand and we showed up too late to jockey for key tablemates. So we got our intimate dinner anyway. It was divine.

We got three umbrella emblazoned with the school's name, and I took a riotously funny face-plant on Second Avenue. I considered swiping a set of Waldorf-Astoria wineglasses to bestow upon my sister and her husband, to commemorate the 25th anniversary of their wedding night, which was spent at the Waldorf, but they wouldn't fit in my purse.


A few amusing observations the Hubbins made -- more women attended than men, and those women who DID attend were unescorted. They all wore Little Black Dresses -- this was expected, so I wore pants and a creme-colored kimono-like blouse. Many of them were lovely, and while we know many equally lovely men with whom to set them up, they would not consider anyone earning less than six figures to be worthy.


I reconnected with a pre-law school friend, with whom I hadn't spoken since law school, which was nice. But other than that, the law school aspect of the evening was forgettable.


RESOLVED, Hubbins and I must date more often;

RESOLVED, if I am going to capitalize on mondo law school affiliation, it must be in less class-specific environment because I can't compete with suitemates and drinking buddies. Never could. (Maybe in 5-10 years, when they're married, kids, living in 'burbs, it will be different);


Obligatory random picture:

WITHERING Mom "look"

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